After the last post, my friend asked, How could you forgive him? I suppose from the way I wrote it, it can be assumed that I did. Not close. That would come years later. In those moments outside of the house while sitting in the car came the realization that the dance between them was so entrenched, the psychological grooves so deep, they didn't know how to climb out. Eventually, everything would collapse into those grooves.
They are both happy today. My mother has let go of all of it which never has to be difficult if you've had the practice of losing everything and surviving. She lives on her own and recently retired from the home-health field. She was older than most of her clients but you wouldn't know it. I doubt retirement will last long. Anyway, I had a dream of buying her a house. A few years ago, it happened. I love the Universe. We could not have gotten a better deal if I'd of found it at a thrift store. It was indeed a garage-sale! She's made it her sanctuary. Frankly, I've never seen so many ceramic animals in one front yard.
My father still struggles with regrets but, obviously, he is prone to living in a painful past. Nonetheless, he has someone that loves him and he is faithful to her. He lacks for nothing -- nothing -- except a clean conscious which he could gift himself at anytime. I wish that for him. I really do.
As for forgiving him, I did while I was pregnant with my second child. We were at Multnomah Falls in Oregon and he was playing with my first against the backdrop of those glorious waterfalls. She knew nothing of his past. She was present with who he was in that moment. And I remembered being her and I chose to be her again. It was really that easy...but it took a long time to get there.