K is for...


Awhile back, I locked my self out of my house not once but twice. Both in the early morning before taxiing kids off to school.  I'm not gonna lie. I wasn't happy with myself and that translated into not being happy with the last one out of the house. No one had an extra key and sometime ago I stopped leaving a spare outside. But it was my deal and so, after dropping everyone off, I began to deal.

It went a little like this...

Day 1:

The house is two-story. I knew that I had left a window unlocked when I was airing out the upstairs after the air conditioner decided to take a vacation on one of the hotter May days. I also knew there was a 6ft ladder left out when I was prettifying my rosebushes.  I also knew the night before was filled with torrential rains and looked like more of the same was arriving soon. Pertinent, the currently trendy maxi-dress is often my garb of choice when running out of the house. Due to the rain, it was exceptionally cool that first morning so I created a lively ensemble with a nice pair of 2.5 inch wedges (because as short as I am I have no business wearing a maxi-dress) and a belt-less Pink Panther robe.  I was a stunner having topped it all off with a purple beanie.  As I made plans to scale my house, it became clear the ensemble was not good climbing gear.


I went and got a Cup of Oh No! I didn't want to go inside, you know, to avoid making any one partron feel under dressed so I perused Google on my phone for a locksmith with no luck while waiting at the drive-thru. So, I request a side order of phone book. Which they had...with pages that were alphabetized and everything and I found a fellow in the Yellow to help out. He lived just down the street from me aka my neighbor. Whoop! Long story, short. Mama is in the house!

Take 2 = Day 2:

Shame on me. Total Groundhog Day moment. I just wanted to go back to bed. But I hauled the kids to school and patted myself on the back for having worn jeans that morning. I get back to the house and grab the ladder and try to secure it against the house near the window that I'm hoping is still unlocked. The ladder wobbles. With wild abandon. Not good. Included, I'm a good two and a half feet short of pulling up to the roof. Not gonna happen. And I've no intention of calling my neighbor again. Plus, my phone has died even if I wanted to. And I've no intention of knocking on his door because I'm not exactly certain which door it is. The neighborhood is rather large for such a small town. Luckily, there's a retaining wall that separates my property from the city's easement.  The ladder rested easily next to it so I scale it onto the wall. But from that wall, I have to leap up about three feet to get on to the roof.

Until faced with this sort of dilemma, you never really know how snug your jeans are.

This causes me to hesitate. $#%&! Which causes me to take on a fearful vibe. Which causes me to climb off the wall and back down the ladder.

I had this scenario running in my mind of how I'd fall off the roof and they'd find me after I failed to pick up the kids just lying there unconscious because I had accidentally let the dogs out of the gate when I came in through the back so they wouldn't be there to lick my face to revive me and I would be covered in ants because of this mammoth ant hill that was near the ladder, of course, those little guys probably would have revived me. I hadn't thought of that.

Anyway, "they" would be the neighbor who was the locksmith who would be wondering why I hadn't just rang his doorbell and I'd have to admit to being both cheapskate and awful neighbor.

Have I mentioned I'm an acrophobe? Kinda. If there's railing, I'm good.

-I'm thinking, This is ridiculous!!!

I have my trusty Mulberry tree growing right next to the wall and hanging over the roof.  In theory, it could use a good pruning but as my List of Things to Do grows so does this tree.  I scale the ladder, climb back on the wall and hunt for the strongest branch.  There is one but I'll have to jump for it.  Great. If I get it, I'm on the roof.  If not, I'm on the ground.

--> Insert above scenario here with deleted scenes from Empire of the Ants (with the role of Andi now played by Joan Collins) <---

What to do? What you're always supposed to do. And what I'm terrible at doing.

You just go for it.

So, I did.

And guess what?

The window was locked.

just Kidding. :)